My Stories

 

 Why? Why? Why?

 

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?

 

Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they already know there is not enough money?

 

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

 

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

 

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

 

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

 

 

[Emm … Pelik kan, begitu banyak persoalan yang kadang-kadang tidak terjawab oleh akal –atuksufi-]

_________________________________

The Bathtub Test

 

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director ‘How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized’.

 

‘Well,’ said the Director, ‘we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.’

 

‘Oh, I understand’, said the visitor. ‘A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup’.

 

‘No’, said the Director, ‘A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?’.

 

[Yang membezakan antara seseorang itu waras atau tidak hanya dipisahkan oleh satu garisan yang tidak kelihatan … Waraskah kita ??? –atuksufi-]

____________________________

  Your Yearly Dementia Test

 

It’s that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test. Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it’s important to keep mentally alert. If you don’t use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. Take the test presented here to determine if you’re losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don’t see the answers until you’ve made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.

 

Question (1)

 

What do you put in a toaster?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer:

 

‘bread’

 

If you said ‘toast,’ give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Question (2)

 

Say ‘silk’ five times. Now spell ‘silk.’ What do cows drink?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer:

 

Cows drink water

 

If you said ‘milk,’ don’t attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. However, if you said ‘water’, proceed to question 3.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Question(3)

 

If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer:

 

Greenhouses are made from glass.

 

If you said ‘green bricks,’ why are you still reading these??? If you said ‘glass,’ go on to Question 4.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Question (4)

 

It’s twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany) Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of ‘no man’s land’ between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany , West Germany , or no man’s land’?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer:

 

You don’t bury survivors.

 

If you said ANYTHING else, you’re a dunce and you must stop. If you said, ‘You don’t bury survivors’, proceed to the next question.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Question (5)

 

Without using a calculator. You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales . In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading , six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon , two people get off and four g et on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea , three people get off and five people get on . In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer:

 

Oh, for crying out loud! Don’t you remember your own name? It was YOU!!

 

[Kadang-kadang kita semua masih melakukan kesilapan yang sama, tidak berhati-hati dan ambil mudah walaupun kita sedia maklum yang pasti akal kita ada batasnya … Atuk pun tepuk dahi sendiri bila baca jawapannya adoi … -atuksufi-]

 

 

 

 

 

 

(sekadar gambar hiasan)

 

Bahasa Melayu lwn Bahasa Inggeris

 

 

Masih teringat semasa, kena hadir di hadapan Mahkamah Tinggi Kuala Lumpur satu ketika dahulu. Ye la … masih muda, kurang pengalaman … Gugup, nak telan air liur pun susah. Semua peguam dalam mahkamah menggunakan bahasa Inggeris, kecuali jurubahasa yang memanggil kes.

 

Hendak dijadikan cerita, kes pun dipanggil. Sebagai peguam yang mewakili responden, aku mendiamkan diri memberi laluan kepada peguam pemohon yang memulakan acara. Begitu bersemangat beliau memulakan prosiding kes dengan berbahasa Inggeris. Seterusnya giliran untuk meneruskan acara. Lalu berdiri dengan yakin dan dengan lafaz bismillah aku memulakan berbicara “Dengan izin Yang Arif …” dalam bahasa Melayu. Satu mahkamah memandang tepat ke arah aku ketika itu. Malu ada, risau … usah cerita la. Aku tekad … dan teruskan berbicara dalam bahasa Inggeris (dalam hati peduli apa aku). Setelah selesai prosiding, aku keluar mahkamah dan duduk di bangku yang disediakan sambil melepaskan lelah. Tiba-tiba seorang rakan datang menyapa,

 

“Pergh, power kau berhujah dalam court tadi … yang lain semua pakai bahasa Inggeris, berani betul kau pakai bahasa Melayu masa kau buat submission tadi”.

 

“Kenapa pula, kau cakap macam tu?” Aku bertanya kehairanan.

 

“Ye la, yang lain dalam court pakai bahasa Inggeris kau sorang jer yang pakai bahasa Melayu, kau tak takut hakim marah ke?”.

 

“Yang Arif nak marah kenapa pula? … Kau tahu tak, kenapa aku begitu yakin gunakan bahasa Melayu tadi …”.

 

Dia mengangguk dan menunjukkan keinginannya untuk tahu. Aku mengajaknya masuk kembali ke dalam mahkamah dan duduk di galeri awam.

 

“Cuba kau lihat dan bacakan tulisan di belakang jurubahasa tu …”.

 

“Gunakan Bahasa Kebangsaan”.

 

“Habis tu apa yang aku nak risaukan …” Lantas aku kemudiannya berdiri dan tunduk hormat untuk keluar dari dewan mahkamah.

 

[p/s: Sebenarnya bila aku gunakan bahasa Inggeris dalam mana-mana prosiding, mahu tergeliat lidah sehari suntuk … Tidak kira kita menggunakan apa jua bahasa dalam mahkamah asalkan keadilan dapat dicapai ... Ingatlah bahasa adalah hanya perantara komunikasi antara manusia ... Bahasa Jiwa Bangsa]

 

 

 

Old Carpenter

An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer- contractor of his plans to leave the house- building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by.

The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career.

When the carpenter finished his work the employer came to inspect the house. He handed the front-door key to the carpenter..

This is your house, he said, my gift to you.

The carpenter was shocked! What a shame!

If he had only known he was building his own, he would have done it all so differently.

We do the most of the things having such thoughts in our mind. But we only realize when it comes back to us.

So it is with us. We build our lives, a day at a time, often putting less than our best into the building. Then with a shock we realize we have to live in the house that we have built. If we could do it over, we’d do it much differently. But we cannot go back.

You are the carpenter. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. Life is a do-it-yourself project, someone has said. Your attitudes and the choices you make today, build the house you live in tomorrow.

[Pesan guru - Sesiapa yang menuntut sesuatu dengan kesungguhan pasti akan mendapatnya]

 ________________________________________________

Perasaan Benci Dalam Hati

 

 

Seorang guru kelas tadika menganjurkan satu permainan yang sungguh menarik untuk murid-muridnya. Setiap murid diminta membawa beg plastik yang berisi pisang yang tertulis nama orang yang paling mereka benci ke kelas pada esok hari. Jadi, jumlah pisang yang perlu dibawa bergantung kepada jumlah orang yang dibenci.

 

 

 

Keesokan harinya, setiap murid membawa beg plastic berisi pisang masing-masing. Ada yang membawa tiga biji, ada juga lima biji dan paling banyak lapan biji. Semuanya sudah ditulis nama orang yang paling mereka benci.

 

 

 

 

 “Sekarang simpan pisang tu … Jangan lupa bawa ke mana sahaja kamu pergi selama seminggu. Inilah permainannya. Selepas seminggu, kita akan tahu keputusannya.” Guru tersebut memberikan penerangan.

 Kanak-kanak tersebut menyimpan pisang masing-masing di dalam beg. Hari demi hari berlalu, pisang tersebut mula berbintik-bintik dan akhirnya menjadi busuk, kanak-kanak itu mula merungutdan marah. Mereka tidak menyukai permainan itu lagi kerana selain beg berat, badan berbau busuk. Ada yang menangis, enggan meneruskan permainan.

 Seminggu berlalu, pagi-pagi lagi murid-murid tersebut sudah bersorak. Permainan sudah tamat. Tidak ada lagi beban dan bau busuk yang perlu dibawa.

 “Okey semua, apa rasanya bawa pisang dalam beg ke sana ke mari selama seminggu?” tanya guru tersebut.

 Semuanya serentak mengatakan mereka benci permainan itu. Mereka hilang kawan, sering diejek dan terpinggir. Lebih teruk lagi, terpaksa tidur, makan, mandi, bermain dan menonton TV dengan bau busuk.

 “Itulah sebenarnya yang berlaku kalau kita simpan perasaan benci pada orang lain dalam hati. Bau busuk kebencian itu akan mencemari hati dan kita akan membawanya ke mana saja kita pergi. Jika kamu sendiri tidak boleh tahan dengan bau pisang busuk hanya untuk seminggu, cuba bayangkan apa akan jadi kalau kamu simpan kebencian sepanjang hidup kamu” beritahu guru tersebut..

 Guru tersebut mengingatkan anak muridnya supaya membuang jauh-jauh perasaan benci daripada membebani hidup. Kemaafan adalah yang terbaik. Menyayangi lebih baik daripada membenci…!

 [Teringat pesanan orang dahulu kala : ‘jika kamu membenci seseorang tinggalkanlah sedikit rasa sayang’.]

____________________________________

 

“Effort”

A giant ship engine failed. The ship’s owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine.

 

Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was young. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.

 

Two of the ship’s owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed!

 

A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars.

 

“What?!” the owners exclaimed. “He hardly did anything!”

 

So they wrote the old man a note saying, “Please send us an itemized bill”.

 

The man sent a bill that read:

 

Tapping with a hammer                      $2

Knowing where to tap                        $9,998

 

[Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort makes all the difference]